Janina Matthewson - I Have No Plan For This (Page 2)

I Have No Plan For This

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Janina Matthewson

Jackie Chan catching MIchelle Yeoh by the boobs in Supercop

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What weird shit have you watched recently: part two

Look, I'll be honest, I've fallen down recently on my resolution to watch a lot of weird shit. Both in quantity and in scale of weirdness, thing have been quite normal in recent weeks. I don't know what to tell you, I've

Watercolour sketch of naked lady sitting on a crate with her body parts labelled

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Unfortunately it's time to take a lesson from: Christianity

Hello and welcome to a new series I'm calling unfortunately it's time to take a lesson from. I'm calling it a series because so far I have two (2) ideas for it, and sometimes that is enough. And I'm coming in hot

Taskmaster task outfits: ranked (Series 19 Update)

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Taskmaster task outfits: ranked (Series 19 Update)

The following is the definitive ranking of Taskmaster task outfits. I placed each outfit on a whim and stand by absolutely none of it, so do not come at me, I will fold immediately. I'll be honest, I thought this was going to be a quick and easy

Still from the game showing a dark haired woman staring at weird lights

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Are we finally getting weird again?

I'm starting to be every so slightly optimistic about the state of blockbuster art. What a thing! Jamie's been playing Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. As I understand it, everyone has been playing Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. I'm not going to play it (turn based

Photo of the Houses of Parliament across the Thames on an overcast day

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Whither the British left?

Engraving showing a glum looking angel , a sad dog, and a depressed cherub

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The best things in life are free except stable mental health, which does require some money

I am currently on hold with Thames Water. I am 90 minutes into a phone call with Thames Water to try and get them to refund the £375 they have just incorrectly taken from my account. There's a lot of boring backstory to this involving an incorrect bill

Tom Cruise dangles from the ceiling and tappy taps on the computer in Mission Impossible

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I have covid and I've watched all the Missions Impossible, here are my thoughts

The Missions Impossible work best when the movie is aware that it's very silly and when Tom Cruise doesn't realise at all. It's the action spy movie version of the classic comedy truth that playing something straight is funnier than leaning into the joke.

Sticker on bollard saying "we have always been here, trans pride"

Do they think trans people are people?

It's been baffling and horrifying to watch the transphobic moral panic grow and mutate in the UK and around the world over the last decade or so. Something about it has felt to me so childish. Here in the UK, there existed a pack of fun, irreverent (white,

Still The Phoenician Scheme showing a man and a nun in the desert. The nun has a knife.

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Why did I feel such visceral disgust at the trailer for Wes Anderson's new movie?

I mean, I like Wes Anderson! I always have! For me his films range from more or less enjoyed it to will love and cherish it until my dying day with the only exception being Isle of Dogs. I'm even an apologist for The Life Aquatic with Steve

Still from Porco Rosso showing plane in beach cove

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I am, once again, stuck in Singapore

Over the past few months when I've talked to my friends about my general situation it has led to the same phrase: God, you really need a win. And I do. I need a win. I have been needing a win, I remain needing a win. I will

Still from Elvira Mistress of the Dark, showing Elvira in her car

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If there is a multiverse, which one am I in

Every so often I see a film or a TV show for the first time and somehow it feels wrong that I'm only seeing it for the first time. Not in that it's a shame it took till now to see it, but that something went

stereograph showing a man and women kissing in victorian dress

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Dating shouldn't have a fail condition

Everyone knows there's a loneliness epidemic among young men. This is, naturally, because of the patriarchy and Queen Victoria. Kind of. In the Victorian era when sodomy laws began to be prosecuted it became dangerous for men to appear to be too intimate, even in entirely platonic relationships.

A pile of delicious feijoas

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Oh look, I'm in New Zealand

I can judge billionaires for a lot of things but I can never quite bring myself to condemn private jets, despite the emissions because I know I would absolutely get one if I could. Of course that's mainly a reaction to how brutal and dehumanising flying anywhere feels,

Anitfa icon Porco Rosso fixing his red seaplane

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My plane was broken and I am stuck halfway to New Zealand, these are my thoughts

I have had roughly five hours of sleep in two days. I have been sent to a hotel in Singapore because the plane was broken. I have been on hold with Qantas for all time. I think Anora ruled and I'm delighted by its Oscar sweep. Sean Baker

Vincent Adultman from Bojack Horseman saying "I like business...uh, transactions"

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Why did we all decide business is sensible?

I've decided that an MBA is the most nonsense degree you can have. And I say that as someone whose degree is in theatre. In another world or in another era this observation would just be idle chitchat but in this world, in this era we've

A man holds a bunch of money and gives a thumbs up. He is dead behind the eyes.

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A list of the ways I am currently providing value for shareholders

Sometimes, when you are having a Rough Time™ it can be helpful to have something to hold on to, to remind you of your inherent and exquisite value as a human being on this earth, living their one and precious life. I am having one such Rough Time™ currently – you

Etching showing a person with their head on their arms, monsters flocking behind them

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The hell of frustrated optimism

Good lord, it's scammy out there. Have you noticed this? I've been desperately seeking literally any form of income for a few months now, and every day it becomes clearer that this is an activity that involves exhaustively filtering for scams. I have, several times now,

Taskmaster task outfits: ranked

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Taskmaster task outfits: ranked

The following is the definitive ranking of Taskmaster task outfits. I placed each outfit on a whim and stand by absolutely none of it, so do not come at me, I will fold immediately. I'll be honest, I thought this was going to be a quick and easy

An image from Tatami Time Machine Blues showing a girl with short dark hair lying down in front of a clock

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What weird shit have you watched recently: part one

You know when you were a kid and there was a general ruckus around, like a lot of kids being wee nightmares, and an adult kind of notices but mostly doesn't? Like they're aware the kids are Up To Something and they've heard you,

A plain red cap because I didn't want to actually host a maga image

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For those who survive this, we must also learn from it

There is a tendency among humans to believe we're living at the end of history. In every era of relative peace, we believe that the chaos of history is behind us. That nothing of note will happen again. It's a naïve belief whenever it happens; it&

Oil painting, a woman in blue with a great rack plays a lute and looks serious

How and why do you make an art

This week we're all het up about this dipshit, who thinks that because making music is hard, everyone will be delighted to use the ecologically disastrous plagiarism machine to do it. To me, this is an example of something I think about all the time: people think artistic

Brian Cox in his depressing ad for Asics, standing in front of a mahogany desk in shorts and sneakers

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The real trickle down economics is Brian Cox having to do ads for Asics

Every time I see Brian Cox advertising Asics a little spark of joy dies in my heart. He was just in one of the most talked about TV series of recent years! He's seventy eight years old! He's been working since the 60s! He had four

Vintage postcard showing a painting of fireworks over Coney Island

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Welp, I guess it's time for another year

Having to start a year in the middle of the British winter is obscene. Who can summon the energy or the optimism when it has been grey and dark and cold forever and it will continue to be grey and dark and cold for another forever? The global acceptance of

Sketch of man sitting at desk outside under a green umbrella

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Investment opportunities for your consideration

I have some business ideas that I think could really make it out there. These are mainly things that I want to exist so that I can use them. If I was a millionaire I would simply make them. If I was a millionaire I would open many businesses in

Still from Perfect Blue, from POV shot of a fan in the crowd holding his hand to make it look like Mima is standing in it

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Perfect Blue and Pop Star Academy

Recently Film Crit Hulk did a deep dive into the work of Satoshi Kon. If you're not aware of Satoshi Kon, he was an anime auteur – he made four films and one mini-series, all widely regarded as masterpieces. Among certain nerdy circles he is known as the man