I Have No Plan For This (Page 3)

I Have No Plan For This

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Etching showing a person with their head on their arms, monsters flocking behind them

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The hell of frustrated optimism

Good lord, it's scammy out there. Have you noticed this? I've been desperately seeking literally any form of income for a few months now, and every day it becomes clearer that this is an activity that involves exhaustively filtering for scams. I have, several times now,

Taskmaster task outfits: ranked

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Taskmaster task outfits: ranked

The following is the definitive ranking of Taskmaster task outfits. I placed each outfit on a whim and stand by absolutely none of it, so do not come at me, I will fold immediately. I'll be honest, I thought this was going to be a quick and easy

An image from Tatami Time Machine Blues showing a girl with short dark hair lying down in front of a clock

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What weird shit have you watched recently: part one

You know when you were a kid and there was a general ruckus around, like a lot of kids being wee nightmares, and an adult kind of notices but mostly doesn't? Like they're aware the kids are Up To Something and they've heard you,

A plain red cap because I didn't want to actually host a maga image

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For those who survive this, we must also learn from it

There is a tendency among humans to believe we're living at the end of history. In every era of relative peace, we believe that the chaos of history is behind us. That nothing of note will happen again. It's a naïve belief whenever it happens; it&

Brian Cox in his depressing ad for Asics, standing in front of a mahogany desk in shorts and sneakers

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The real trickle down economics is Brian Cox having to do ads for Asics

Every time I see Brian Cox advertising Asics a little spark of joy dies in my heart. He was just in one of the most talked about TV series of recent years! He's seventy eight years old! He's been working since the 60s! He had four

Vintage postcard showing a painting of fireworks over Coney Island

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Welp, I guess it's time for another year

Having to start a year in the middle of the British winter is obscene. Who can summon the energy or the optimism when it has been grey and dark and cold forever and it will continue to be grey and dark and cold for another forever? The global acceptance of

Sketch of man sitting at desk outside under a green umbrella

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Investment opportunities for your consideration

I have some business ideas that I think could really make it out there. These are mainly things that I want to exist so that I can use them. If I was a millionaire I would simply make them. If I was a millionaire I would open many businesses in

Still from Perfect Blue, from POV shot of a fan in the crowd holding his hand to make it look like Mima is standing in it

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Perfect Blue and Pop Star Academy

Recently Film Crit Hulk did a deep dive into the work of Satoshi Kon. If you're not aware of Satoshi Kon, he was an anime auteur – he made four films and one mini-series, all widely regarded as masterpieces. Among certain nerdy circles he is known as the man

Still image from the film Network showing Peter Finch as Howard Beale.

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Do you hear the people shitpost

Look, look, here is the thing. Here is one of the things. I am a rabid socialist for ethical reasons, yes, but also for practical ones. The uneven distribution of wealth is simply unsustainable. It leads to collapse, it has done this over and over again. The rich use every

Newspaper cartoon of a man standing beside a pile of coins forcing workers to shovel it into buckets for him

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It's time to cancel money

One of the things from the film Anora that has stuck in my mind is the tragedy of Ivan. It's a small part of the story, it doesn't matter as much as anything Anora says and does, but still, I keep thinking about it. He is

A golden mechanical man with his eyes closed.

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I'm really sick of talking about AI, and yet

So a new 'publisher' is planning on 'disrupting' the industry with AI. They are essentially a vanity publisher – they ask authors to pay them thousands of dollars and, in exchange, they will give the authors AI generated covers, proofreading services, and distribution. It's an

Engraving showing a man fleeing a room looking back at a naked man and a skeleton

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Paying for Failure

Look, we all know times is hard all around. We've all seen the graphs of rising costs of living compared to the rising but much more slowly average wages. We've heard the term once in a generation recession so often that it plays on a loop

A hooded figure blasts light into the face of a naked man

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Why we are all so fucked up; a non-exhaustive list

A woman sitting on a carved throne brandishing a wand and a cup

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What You Can Expect From My Benevolent Dictatorship

It's not that I want to be a dictator, so much as it is that I am deeply tired of living living in a society where everything is arranged incorrectly! * If you find a Lime bike or similar left in an obnoxious place, you will be legally entitled

Michael Parkinson and Gillian Bevan in Ghostwatch

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Let me tell you why I hate The Blair Witch Project

A few days ago, as part of our spooky season viewing, we watched Ghostwatch. You heard about this? You heard about what those crazy kids at the BBC did to national treasure Michael Parkinson? If you've not heard of it before, Ghostwatch was a 1992 Halloween TV special.

Painting of a man and a woman on a boat, much like we weren't

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So what happened with that boat, huh?

I was not on the promised boat when my last newsletter went out. They would not let us have it because the sea was too rough for us to be trusted with a boat. In fairness, the sea was also too rough for the ferries to be running, so I

A chill boat on a calm lake

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All going well I am on a boat right now

But maybe everything hasn't gone well. If the weather forecast has been proved right it will have rained all week, all week of my holiday, my rare, precious holiday, only the second proper fuck you, I'm on holiday I've had in, like, thirteen years.

An adorable robot surrounded by adorable robots

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What is the point of life and why have we fallen so far from god's light

A few years ago, thanks to Jamie getting a nice Christmas bonus from the doomed start up he was working for at the time, we got a PlayStation 5. It came pre-loaded with a cute little game* intended to demonstrate all the fun things the PS5 can do. Things like

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Cabbages

In Robert Altman’s perfect film, The Long Goodbye, there’s a security guard who does impressions. When the lead characters drive in and out of the gated community he works at, he stops them for a moment to ask if they want to see his new impression. He’s

A British cyclist in the Olympic velodrome

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Why the fuck even make art; also, the Olympics

I guess we haven't shut up about fucking generative AI yet. It continues to baffle me that people who have been granted the responsibility of decision making power at major creative corporations are so taken in by this obvious scam. There are a dozen reasons why replacing artists

Cher as both Tony and Maria in West Side Story

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Cher's West Side Story and Following Your Weirdest Thoughts

In her 1978 television special, Cher introduced the classic Broadway musical, West Side Story. She looked out at her audience smiling and said, 'I will be playing all the parts.' And then she played all the parts in a twelve minute version of the show. She announced in

A chorus of performers led by Imelda Staunton in the London production of Hello Dolly, wearing period costumes, mid-song.

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We're Here Because We Forgot About Unions

We need good union PR. We need a parade.