I have to be honest: I don't really want pockets in my clothes

Sometimes we have to be brave and admit our true feelings and one of my brave and true feelings is that I really don't want pockets in my clothes all that much. Not useful pockets, anyway.

I simply do not yearn to carry things on my person in this way. Things are too many, too cluttered, to cumbersome. I want them tidily in a pouch that is not attached to my body. I want the ability to become completely unencumbered at any moment.

This is particularly true of skirts and dresses – the the extent that I'm suddenly confused about why the mythical dress with pockets is such a massive thing. Do we really want things in those pockets? Do we really want our phones and keys and wallets flapping about our hips as we move through the world?

And while I'm not averse to slipping my phone into the back pocket of my trousers for a few minutes while I'm using my hands, I don't want anything to live there. I don't want to sit on things, I don't want things bending to fit my butt. I don't really want things in the front pockets either, crunching into my hip when I sit down.

The only thing most pockets are useful for is giving you somewhere to put your hands. And back pockets make your butt look good. That's not nothing, but I'm not sure it's worth the mount of airtime it gets.

I like having a bag. Ideally a bag with multiple compartments. I like my things with me not on me.

I have not been honest about this. Like many women I have crowed thanks it has pockets in response to compliments about dresses and skirts. But I have never once derived use or joy out of those pockets.

The cry for pockets in women's clothes at this point feels almost sacred – why should men's clothes have so many pockets and women's so few? Men have capacious pockets in their trousers, in their shirts, in their jackets, in their pyjamas and it's not fair.

And I agree it's not fair, but I think the boot is on the other foot. Men have an insufficient array of little bags. Men have backpacks and laptop bags and, only in the last few years, sling bags – but even then I think they're expected to use reasonably large sling bags. They don't have many options for those times when you really just want to be carrying your phone and your keys. Maybe a bank card, maybe a lip balm. Their only option in those kinds of situation is their pockets, and I think that's a shame.

There are two crucial exceptions to my not wanting things in my pockets, and they are as follows:

One: jackets. I don't find being a little bit laden in the jacket pocket particularly onerous, and I am jealous of the fact that mens jackets have the little bonus pockets in the lining. But even then, they're only useful for a quite trip to the shop or what have you. Not if I'm going to actually be somewhere for a sustained period of time.

Two: workout gear, obviously. I like at least two pockets on my leggings. But that is only because obviously I don't want to take a bag with me when I go for a run and does not apply to general, non-exercise based life.

So I'm sorry if I'm disappointing the sisterhood or whatever. I'm just skeptical that there's as much point in having loads of pockets as everyone claims.

Unless you're doing a comedy bit about how many of them you have to look through to find the thing you need.

I guess I'll give you that.