Film - I Have No Plan For This

I Have No Plan For This

Sign in Subscribe

Film

A collection of 28 posts

Poetic faith

In the spirit of being vast and containing multitudes, I'm starting to develop a really defensive reflex around snobbery regarding people's artistic tastes. It's wildly hypocritical of me, because I'm still driven mad on the regs by people thinking something is good

A man in an intimidating centurion's helmet with a gold spine running down the back looks out on a misty landscape with the figures of soldiers partially obscured

Paid-members only

Who gets to have an opinion, professionally?

A grand time for the discourse this week after Emily Wilson, the first woman ever to translate The Odyssey into English threw eloquent shade at Christopher Nolan for his adaptation in the LRB. I very much enjoyed reading it, particularly the fact that she ends by expressing gratitude for the

Film poster showing a black top hat, below which sit Johnny Depp's (gross) eyes. The tagline is "before he was scrooge he was" and the title is "Ebenezer"

Paid-members only

Why are they marketing the Johnny Depp (gross) Christmas Carol like this?

Johnny Depp (gross) is in a new adaptation of A Christmas Carol. This is gross, but whatever. We've long since learned that there's no such think as cancellation, we have only to be disappointed in that fact over and over again. But something else is going

A man does a side split jump with his back to the camera over an idyllic beach while two women sit under beach umbrellas

Paid-members only

An ode to the partial musical

I feel like it's been a while but remember when every tv show had to have a musical episode? Was Riverdale the last one? Who knows, who knows, but for a quite a lot of years they were apparently essential, despite the fact that the only one that

A shark jumps and bites at a ramshackle structure on a jetty.

Paid-members only

In defence of bad art

Every so often some dipshit writes an essay about how artists need to embrace AI. I'm not linking to this week's, I'm not linking to any of them, because they're all trash for losers, but I am going to respond to one

Still from animated short showing a male and a female stick figure standing on scaffolding looking at an angry sky

Paid-members only

What weird shit have you watched recently: part three

Posts about weird shit will continue until morale improves. Morale will not improve whilst the horrors continue. Sometimes all you can do in the face of a world descending ever further into chaos and strife is watch someone's fucked up art. So here we are again. More weird

Bloodied hands form a window with their fingers through which they show an alternate universe Stephanie Hsu

Paid-members only

Addicted to potential

Because I like to spend my leisure time making myself mad, I've been reading More Everything Forever by Adam Becker (affiliate link) and getting all het up about effective altruism and long termism. The logic of effective altruism follows this path: you should do what is in your

Poster for Listers, showing a van parked on a cloudy beach, with a man standing beside a tripod looking into a telescop

I must insist you watch: Listers: A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching (free on YouTube)

About a month ago I declared that One Battle After Another was the best film of 2025 and it wasn't even close. I now know that assessment to be flawed. Because now I've watched Listers: A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching (free on YouTube). I must insist

A very serious cat sits at a small table with a tea set laid out. Black and white photo.

Paid-members only

Oh no! I forgot the most important part of my plan to save cinema! Let me introduce you to The Tea Tour.

I made this whole todo and then I forgot the best bit. I mean there's substantial things I forgot also, stuff about how films are made such as you could save cinema by paying a little more respect to screenwriters. Examples of this include: I'm not

Nicole Kidman sits in an empty cinema in a pinstripe suit gazing at the screen in rapt attention

Paid-members only

Collected Ideas for Saving Cinema, An Ongoing Discussion Between Me and Jamie Drew

* Fewer ads. Obviously fewer ads and also the ads should only be allowed to be shown before the trailers. Like, you get a couple of ads, then you get trailers, which are more fun, then the movie. It used to be this way. It could be this way again. * Also,

Kendrick Sampson and Zoey Deutch sit smiling at each other on festooned park benches in the snow

Paid-members only

I will now allow Christmas to begin

Hello, good evening, it is Saturday the 6th of December, I have had a busy week, I'm sitting alone on my couch with a pour of wine, and I am willing to allow the festive season to begin. In celebration of this momentous occasion I have put on

Two small boys, one with a red pointy had, one with a kettle on his head, survey a graveyard.

Paid-members only

What weird shit have you watched recently: spooky season edition

Full disclosure this is going to be a combination of weird shit I have watched recently and weird shit I think you should watch this spooky season, why not, I contain multitudes. Now, I am not a big horror person but I do enjoy some horror or horror adjacent offerings.

Super pulpy, slutty poster for Seven Samurai, Toshirô Mifune is half naked, holding a sword aloft

Paid-members only

Art vs. Entertainment or; how to be a film guy

Look, I wasn't going to write a newsletter today. I was going to be a few days late, which, given my intention is to be a week ahead, is already very late. But then my friend Marie's newsletter came out and it made have thoughts. Or,

Four people clink champagne glasses on a train

Jamie and Janina’s Universal Film Drinking Game

I had originally posted a version of this on Medium, but it occurs to me that I used to sign in to Medium with my twitter account and I've deleted my twitter account, obviously, so I thought I put it here because it's very good. Jamie

Jackie Chan catching MIchelle Yeoh by the boobs in Supercop

Paid-members only

What weird shit have you watched recently: part two

Look, I'll be honest, I've fallen down recently on my resolution to watch a lot of weird shit. Both in quantity and in scale of weirdness, thing have been quite normal in recent weeks. I don't know what to tell you, I've

Still from the game showing a dark haired woman staring at weird lights

Paid-members only

Are we finally getting weird again?

I'm starting to be every so slightly optimistic about the state of blockbuster art. What a thing! Jamie's been playing Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. As I understand it, everyone has been playing Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. I'm not going to play it (turn based

Tom Cruise dangles from the ceiling and tappy taps on the computer in Mission Impossible

Paid-members only

I have covid and I've watched all the Missions Impossible, here are my thoughts

The Missions Impossible work best when the movie is aware that it's very silly and when Tom Cruise doesn't realise at all. It's the action spy movie version of the classic comedy truth that playing something straight is funnier than leaning into the joke.

Still The Phoenician Scheme showing a man and a nun in the desert. The nun has a knife.

Paid-members only

Why did I feel such visceral disgust at the trailer for Wes Anderson's new movie?

I mean, I like Wes Anderson! I always have! For me his films range from more or less enjoyed it to will love and cherish it until my dying day with the only exception being Isle of Dogs. I'm even an apologist for The Life Aquatic with Steve

Still from Elvira Mistress of the Dark, showing Elvira in her car

Paid-members only

If there is a multiverse, which one am I in

Every so often I see a film or a TV show for the first time and somehow it feels wrong that I'm only seeing it for the first time. Not in that it's a shame it took till now to see it, but that something went

Anitfa icon Porco Rosso fixing his red seaplane

Paid-members only

My plane was broken and I am stuck halfway to New Zealand, these are my thoughts

I have had roughly five hours of sleep in two days. I have been sent to a hotel in Singapore because the plane was broken. I have been on hold with Qantas for all time. I think Anora ruled and I'm delighted by its Oscar sweep. Sean Baker

An image from Tatami Time Machine Blues showing a girl with short dark hair lying down in front of a clock

Paid-members only

What weird shit have you watched recently: part one

You know when you were a kid and there was a general ruckus around, like a lot of kids being wee nightmares, and an adult kind of notices but mostly doesn't? Like they're aware the kids are Up To Something and they've heard you,

Brian Cox in his depressing ad for Asics, standing in front of a mahogany desk in shorts and sneakers

Paid-members only

The real trickle down economics is Brian Cox having to do ads for Asics

Every time I see Brian Cox advertising Asics a little spark of joy dies in my heart. He was just in one of the most talked about TV series of recent years! He's seventy eight years old! He's been working since the 60s! He had four

Still from Perfect Blue, from POV shot of a fan in the crowd holding his hand to make it look like Mima is standing in it

Paid-members only

Perfect Blue and Pop Star Academy

Recently Film Crit Hulk did a deep dive into the work of Satoshi Kon. If you're not aware of Satoshi Kon, he was an anime auteur – he made four films and one mini-series, all widely regarded as masterpieces. Among certain nerdy circles he is known as the

Newspaper cartoon of a man standing beside a pile of coins forcing workers to shovel it into buckets for him

Paid-members only

It's time to cancel money

One of the things from the film Anora that has stuck in my mind is the tragedy of Ivan. It's a small part of the story, it doesn't matter as much as anything Anora says and does, but still, I keep thinking about it. He is

Engraving showing a man fleeing a room looking back at a naked man and a skeleton

Paid-members only

Paying for Failure

Look, we all know times is hard all around. We've all seen the graphs of rising costs of living compared to the rising but much more slowly average wages. We've heard the term once in a generation recession so often that it plays on a loop